Defeat Stubborn Obstinacy with Sorrow of the Heart

The Face Of Obstinacy

St. Hildegard sees Obstinacy with the form of an ox—a creature bred for exactly one purpose: to pull, to plow, to keep moving in a straight line without deviation. There’s something fitting in that image. An ox doesn’t resist out of malice; it simply doesn’t turn unless it’s forced to. That’s Obstinacy’s whole defense in her own words: rain and softness would ruin the ground, so hardness is simply how she was made, and she sees no reason to work for a grace she isn’t sure she’ll even receive. Sorrow of the Heart, true to the pattern of every virtue in this series, receives no physical image at all—she is voice only, answering hardness not with another kind of force, but with an ache soft enough to actually reach it.

From Care Of Earthly Things To Obstinacy: When Worry Hardens Into Refusal

St. Hildegard tells us plainly how we arrived here. Obstinacy “follows care of earthly things,” she writes, “because men who care only about earthly things are obstinate in their minds” (Liber Vitae Meritorum, Part 4, Section 32, Para. 43, trans. Hozeski). A soul that has spent long enough anxiously gripping the things of this world eventually stops being able to let go of anything at all — not just possessions, but positions, opinions, grudges. Worry was never really about survival; it was training the soul to hold on tighter than it should. Obstinacy is simply what that grip looks like once it hardens all the way through.

Reflection:

God grants all good things when we diligently seek him.

The Hidden Mole in the Virtuous Soul

While St. Hildegard’s vision exposes the terrifying weight of outright obstinacy, for those of us striving for holiness, this vice takes a quieter, underground route. It acts like the mole—silently digging beneath our good deeds, replacing God’s perfect designs for us with our own personal preferences.

Ask yourself, do I diligently seek him? Do I pray as though God needs to act in my favor and answer my prayers according to my will? While praying like this, do I refuse to also obey his precepts? Do I have ignorance of these precepts? Am I not seeking to know him intimately? Am I guilty of a lack of reciprocal love? Do I get angry and resentful when my prayers are not answered in the manner I expect them to be? Do I measure God’s love for me based on whether or not he does as I suggest, and when he does not, do I retreat from his presence in anger? We must be careful not to measure God’s love for us based on whether or not he answers our prayers by doing what we suggest. 

The Warning: Good Intentions Can Mask Subconscious Self-Will

In the passage, St. Hildegard compares stubbornness to a mole that “also turns away good things since nothing pleases it except what it chooses itself.”  As we strive for holiness, stubbornness rarely looks like outright rebellion. Instead, it manifests as subtle, quiet resentments when a prayer isn’t answered the way we expected. Like a mole tunneling underground, this subtle self-will works beneath the surface of a seemingly devout life, slowly hollows out our peace, and replaces divine alignment with self-pleasing preferences. You might be doing everything right on the surface—going to Adoration, praying the Rosary, seeking virtue—but underneath, like a mole, a tiny bit of ego is tunneling away. 

How to Discern God’s Will and Defeat Stubborn Obstinacy

Have you ever made a very bad decision and at the time thought that it was a good decision, maybe even God’s will? You are not alone. If you discern poorly, your decision has an enormous impact on your life. It also affects all those around you. Decisions have consequences. This is why it’s important to have the virtue of compunction of the heart, which is a true desire to please God above all else and remorse when we know we have fallen short.

We often make decisions for selfish reasons. Maybe it is out of fear, or for self-preservation, or to gain money, honor, or even fame. The Lord knows every heart, and sees what we hide from all others.

Stubborn obstinacy involves making a very bad decision while knowing that it is not the will of God. Sometimes you may even pretend you think it is God’s will, and even deceive others into believing the same. At the core, deep within your soul, you know that what you are doing is against God’s designs but you persist in doing it for various selfish reasons. St. Hildegard says that the inability to see or hear God is at the root of obstinacy. This is because the stubborn soul “does not want to be softened or changed from the hardness it has.”

Struggling to hear God’s voice when you pray?

How are you praying?

The joy of life is found in the Eucharist, and if we can make it the center of our lives, all the things of this world that attract us and distract us from God will fade away. The only thing that will remain is our love for Jesus and a true compunction of heart. We become more like Christ the more we spend time with him in prayer and receive him worthily in holy Communion [1 Cor. 11:27]. This is how the Lord communicates with souls, through his very intimate and loving embrace. When he enters us, he makes us a temple of the Holy Spirit. Isn’t that beautiful?

Stubborn obstinacy is a very real struggle for many of us because we want things in life, and we want to control our destiny. We like feeling like our life is our own and we are free to choose what we want to believe, who we want to give deference to, and who or what we are willing to serve.

We may also fear pain and suffering. Most of us want an easy path that is rewarding. Some of our beliefs, many of our sinful habits, and some of our so-called “justified” grudges are just too hard for us to give up. We cling to what we know, and we shut out the light of truth because it demands contrition and the commitment to do the hard work of making changes in what we think, say, and do.

When you refuse to do self-examinations and you turn from scrutiny, you end up driving yourself away from the light of Christ. Think of it like driving in the dark and looking out your windshield. That same windshield, when exposed to direct sunlight, will reveal many imperfections. God is holy and just, merciful, loving, and kind. He calls us to discipleship and when we are walking in the light of truth he reveals to us things that need pruning, and bad habits that need to end. Stubborn obstinacy says no to this kind of relationship with the Lord, and it keeps a soul in darkness. 

Going Further:

If you want to do ‘extra’ you may spend some time reading 1 Samuel 15:10-31, to learn about Saul’s stubborn obstinacy and how God rebuked him. After meditating on this scripture passage in 1 Samuel, you may want to write some prayerful thoughts to the Lord about what touched your heart. Have you acted similarly to Saul in your own life? In what way? Did God also rebuke you? How? If you do this, be sure to give the Lord time to respond to you by offering time to listen in silence. Is he speaking to you? What is the Holy Spirit revealing?

Overcoming Self-Will:

Take a moment to pause, drop your defenses, and settle into the absolute, healing stillness of this adoration chapel. Stubborn obstinacy is a quiet, dangerous vice—an exhausting habit of self-pleasing preferences that acts like a hidden mole beneath the surface of a seemingly devout life. When we give in to an unchanged heart, we look like the dead—unable to see or hear God, and hollowed out by quiet resentments whenever our prayers aren’t answered on our own terms. Before we open the Word of God, let us offer up a sincere prayer of petition—asking for the spiritual courage to step out of the darkness, expose our imperfections to the light of truth, and receive the piercing grace of a true sorrow of the heart