Overcoming Desire for My Own Will
Today we contemplate the liberating power of a surrendered heart, learning how to break free from the exhausting traps of self-will and rebellion. Join our prayer community for this Part 3, nineteenth weekly meditation inspired by St. Hildegard of Bingen to cultivate the supernatural virtue of obedience, overcome the deceptive lure of personal pride, and discover the deep interior peace that comes from aligning your life entirely with the perfect will of God.
Opening Prayer
Eternal Father, I humbly ask for the virtue of obedience to God and those in authority over me. I want to have the virtue of obedience as a way of life. Please give me the grace to exercise obedience to your holy will in everything. Lord you know everything about me, all my thoughts, words, and deeds. Please make my path clear.
You know that I have said and done things in my life out of disobedience and a lack of love for you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, and your Church. I have sown division. Please forgive me for every evil thing I have done through my own pride and vanity and renew in my heart a spirit of humility and obedience to God. I want to amend my life and become a living testament to Christ in my words and deeds from this day forth. Jesus shows us what it means to have obedience and a willingness to suffer for love’s sake.
I consent to all blessings, trials, sufferings, and penances that you deem fit for me in my life and to the authority of the Magisterium of the Church to guide me toward eternal salvation. I assent to all her precepts, trusting in the teachings with full faith and with a heart willing to serve and obey. I know that all things work together for good for those who love you and live according to your precepts.
You promise us eternal life through the sacrifice of your Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, who has justified us and made us brothers and sisters. I desire the virtue of obedience to God so that I can love and serve Christ and the Church, and be fruitful for your glory. Please let me have obedience to God and to the authority of the Church so that I might bear good fruit and be pleasing in your sight.
AMEN.
“To obey (from the Latin ob-audire, to ‘hear or listen to’) in faith is to submit freely to the word that has been heard, because its truth is guaranteed by God, who is Truth itself. Abraham is the model of such obedience offered us by Sacred Scripture. The Virgin Mary is its most perfect embodiment.”
Catechism 144
What Is the Virtue of Obedience?
In Catholic moral theology, disobedience is recognized as a subtle form of idolatry where we elevate our own desires, logic, or timeline above the law of the Creator. When we pick and choose which divine commands or Church teachings to follow based on what is culturally comfortable, we fracture our relationship with grace. Saint Hildegard warns that a disobedient spirit turns the soul into a barren wasteland, cut off from the living waters of the Holy Spirit because it refuses to submit to divine order.
The definitive antidote to this spiritual paralysis is the intentional practice of the virtue of obedience. True Christian obedience is patterned after Christ Himself, who was “obedient unto death, even death on a cross.” Living out the virtue of obedience requires us to silence our egos, form our consciences in the truth, and execute God’s commandments with prompt joy. When we surrender our stubborn preferences to His authority, our daily duties are transformed into acts of worship, protecting us from the snares of evil and anchoring our souls in eternal security.
The Response of Obedience
by St. Hildegard of Bingen
From the storm cloud I heard a voice responding to this image:
“I who obey God have a certain bondage. But to whom is it and of what type is it? At the time when God created all things with his word when he said: ‘Let it be done, and it was done.’
I was an eye and was watching God’s plan as all things were created thus. However, when the first angel came to life, he thereupon opposed God. I then said that the works of that one did not have life since he wanted to be something he was not. He also tried to hurt and oppress me, but he was not very strong.
For I existed like the sun, moon, stars, and the foundations of the waters; I am the root of all of God’s works, just as the soul is to the body. Just as a man’s will accomplishes what he desires, so also I do God’s will by doing all the things that he commands.
I consulted with God a long time ago and he ordered all the things he wanted to do through me. I sound like a lyre at the command of his word because I obey all his commands. I touch nothing. I wish for nothing. I desire nothing, unless it is in God because I came from God. I do things through him, and I do not want to have any other God.
You, however, o transgressor of the command of the Creator, in your presumptuousness you say that you are God and, therefore, do not search for the true God. Whatever you wish, you do. Where, therefore, are the heaven and earth you created? Where is the beauty of the mountains and fields you created? You have made nothing but you still deny what God did make. Why? When you spoke those words about yourself and when you decide all things only according to what pleases you, you do not want God who was before time began and who will be after the change to the newest day.
Therefore, o worst one, you are like dried leaves and like scales from a fish because you have cast away the good things. Your name is with nothing useful but is with death.”
St. Hildegard of Bingen, Liber Vitae Meritorum (The Book of the Rewards of Life),
Part 3, Section 10, Chapter 14 (Trans. Hozeski)
From Empty Glory to Disobedience: The Chariot Catches Fire
St. Hildegard tells us plainly how we arrived here. Disobedience “walks after empty glory because it is like a chariot for empty glory and all the other faults… since it penetrates them with fire” (Liber Vitae Meritorum, Part 3, Section 38, Para. 47, trans. Hozeski). Once a soul has spent long enough craving its own glory, it eventually stops asking permission for anything at all—glory becomes its own justification, and disobedience is simply the vehicle that carries it forward at full speed. Notice how the fire changes as it moves through this chain: Envy only spoke of it—“the fire of all evil things”—now Disobedience is shown pouring it, literally, from her own mouth. The fire has stopped being a metaphor. It has become her.
Reflection:
If you are seeking to do the will of God in your life then your heart is in a very good place. The virtue of obedience to God has many layers. It involves faith in both God and the Church, our authority on earth. So the virtue of obedience is twofold. We assent to God and the natural law. We also assent to the teachings of the Church that Christ founded, faithfully trusting that God guides her from all error by the power of the Holy Spirit (1 Tim 3:15). In our lives we must obey both God and those in authority over us, but sometimes we are confused and we lack clarity on how to do these things.
How does Disobedience Lead to Death?
In Scivias, St. Hildegard of Bingen explains how Adam was created with the virtue of obedience, but Adam did not properly cultivate this virtue in himself, and through the devil’s counsel, he turned away from it. Bingen says disobedience envelopes Adam in the “thickest darkness, out of which he cannot pull himself” (Scivias, Vision One, 8). Because Adam sank into death and could no longer rise to true knowledge of God, he remained stuck. Adam’s disobedience led God to ransom mankind back. We needed a Savior to restore us with sanctifying grace, and so in the fullness of time, Jesus came to save us from darkness and disobedience. With perfect obedience to God the Father, Jesus, who was fully God and fully man, gave himself as a perfect and unblemished sinless sacrifice on the Cross, shedding his innocent blood in redemption for sin.
Obedience is necessary for our salvation. The Church teaches us that the obedient faithful will replace the fallen angels that refused obedience to God and fell into eternal darkness.
The Lord tells St. Hildegard, “Man is thus exceedingly dear to God, Who made him truly in His own image and likeness; he was to exercise all the virtues in the perfection of holiness, as indeed God formed all creatures to do, and to work in humble obedience, to do acts of virtue, and so to fulfill the function of praise among the more glorious orders of angels“
Scivias, Book 3, Vision 2, Chapter 19
Obedience to Church Authority
When we assent to the authority of the Church and practice obedience to God’s will, our relationship with God is restored and we are in a state of sanctifying grace. The Church is a field hospital, so when we practice obedience as a way of life, the Sacraments act as a healing medicine for our souls.
When we offend God through our disobedience, he offers us the Sacrament of Reconciliation. When we are hungry and need his loving presence, the Eucharist feeds us. Our assent to God’s authority and the authority of his Church leads us toward eternal salvation. When we reject these gifts, and the teachings of the Church, we become like Adam, falling into the thickest darkness, out of which we cannot pull ourselves. But unlike Adam, we can restore a broken relationship with God through the Sacraments of the Church, given to us by Christ.
Jesus humbly submitted to the Father in all things. We are also called to submit as Christ did, to the authority of God and the Church he founded. We are to recognize the authority of his ‘al-habbayit’ (Isaiah 22:20-25), who holds the keys to the Kingdom (Matthew 16:19) and is in place to govern the faithful with love toward eternal life. We are called to submit with humility and obedience to this authority God has given us (2 Thess 2:15-17).
But What if I have Doubts about the Church?
If you find yourself doubting Church authority and fighting against certain teachings of the Church, or having a sense of superiority over certain precepts and doctrines, pray earnestly for the virtue of obedience to God and the authority of his Church. The Lord will give you clarity and help you obtain peace. I have experienced this myself. Jesus Christ is the head of his Church and he guides her toward truth. The gates of hell will not prevail against her, and even though the weeds grow with the wheat, we can be assured that God will never abandon us and leave us without a shepherd.
God loves you, and he desires you to worship him in the fullness of truth. He has ordered all things with his divine providence. He has a special plan for your life and when you humbly assent to his will, this plan will become clear to you. Every step you take toward fulfilling his will in your life is a step toward obedience to God.
When you have doubt or confusion, submit yourself to his loving guidance and in time the path will become clear. Believe that God loves you and that he is leading you toward a greater love and understanding on how to worship him. Then be obedient to what your conscience tells you as you walk with Christ. Do not be distracted by the sins of others, by what seems good on the surface, or what may appear as evil. Keep your gaze on Christ, and stay firm in what is true. The Lord will lead you on the right path if you pray for the virtue of obedience to God.
The Lord tells St. Hildegard, “These are My strong and loving people, for in them I contemplate the sufferings that My Son underwent in the flesh; and they die His death when they forsake their own will and submit to obedience for the sake of eternal life, walking in the commands of their superiors”
Scivias, Book 2, Vision 5, Chapter 18
Do I Obey the Authority of Man if it is Evil?
What if the authority I doubt is in the Church?
When you believe a brother or sister in Christ is in disobedience, or a superior in the Church is in error, seek the Lord in prayer. Ask him to help you recognize the truth and what he is calling you to do. Be patient. Pray in earnest with great love for your superior, asking God to bless him and give him the grace to fulfill his vocation according to the will of God. Ask for wisdom. Let the Lord reveal to you what he desires you to know, and what he wants you to do. Learn the precepts of the Church, and dialogue in charity with your superior. The Church calls us to first speak with our brother, and if the problem cannot be resolved, only then should we take the issue to the Church.
Remember, when the Holy Spirit is not clearly asking you to act, you should pray in earnest for wisdom on the matter and patiently wait on the Lord.
Going Further:
The story of Abraham’s obedience to God when asked to sacrifice his only son is a wonderful chapter to meditate on this week (Genesis 22). If you want to do ‘extra’ you may write some prayerful thoughts to the Lord about sacrificing things in your life for his sake, in obedience to his will. If you do this, be sure to give the Lord time to respond by offering time to listen to him in silence.
Stepping out of the Darkness of Self-will
Take a moment to pause, drop your defenses, and settle into the absolute stillness of this adoration chapel. Disobedience is a quiet, dangerous form of idolatry—an exhausting habit of self-will where we arrogantly try to play the role of our own god, deciding reality on our own terms and picking which laws to follow based on what is comfortable. When we reject divine authority and the teachings of the Church, we envelope ourselves in a thick darkness of our own making, cutting our souls off from the living waters of grace. Before we open the Word of God, let us offer up a sincere prayer of petition—asking for the spiritual maturity to silence our egos, surrender our stubborn preferences, and return to the safety of absolute obedience.
Prayer for Perfect Obedience and a Surrendered Heart
Eternal Father, You are the Creator of all things, who ordered the universe with perfect wisdom, and You know the rebellious and stubborn corners of my heart. Forgive me for the times my disobedience has sown division, and for the moments I have pridefully doubted or resisted the authority of the Church You founded. I am too weak to conquer this self-will by my own human strength. I desperately need the cleansing fire of Your grace.
Lord Jesus, grant me the supernatural virtue of obedience. Give me a listening heart that submits freely and promptly to Your Word, just as Your Blessed Mother did. When my ego flares up and I am tempted to assert my own will this week, catch my thoughts and anchor my soul in Your truth. Deliver me from the false confidence that leads to spiritual darkness. Clear away my doubts, grant me a servant’s spirit, and teach me to follow the commands of my superiors with genuine joy. Let my life sound like a beautifully tuned lyre at the command of Your voice, completely surrendered to Your divine providence and fruitful for Your eternal Kingdom.
AMEN.
Take a slow, deep breath. Settle your mind, clear away your daily distractions, and open your heart to the presence of God. As you prepare to listen to Jesus speak in this passage from the Gospel of Luke, remember that true obedience isn’t about giving God empty lip service—it is about the hidden, structural foundation of your entire life.
Do not rush through these verses. Read the words slowly and let the absolute clarity of Christ’s warning sink into your conscience. Look at the vivid image He draws of the two builders: the one who listens and acts, digging deep into the bedrock to lay a foundation on solid rock, and the one who builds on loose ground without a foundation. Watch how the heavy river bursts against both structures, and notice that only the house anchored deep in obedience stands completely unshaken by the flood. Ask Jesus to reveal the secret areas where you are still building on the shifting sands of your own opinions, and where He is calling you to dig deeper into His commands. When you are ready, pick up your pen and write His promptings directly into your prayer journal.
Obedience to God
from the Gospel of Luke Chapter 6:46-49
[Jesus said] “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ but not do what I command? I will show you what someone is like who comes to me, listens to my words, and acts on them. That one is like a person building a house, who dug deeply and laid the foundation on rock; when the flood came, the river burst against that house but could not shake it because it had been well built. But the one who listens and does not act is like a person who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the river burst against it, it collapsed at once and was completely destroyed.”
Let us Pray:
Jesus, you did not leave us orphans. You promised us the Holy Spirit to guide our consciences and to give us wisdom. Please, Lord, I ask for the virtue of obedience to God and to the authority of the Church. There are many things I do not understand in my limited knowledge. I trust that you have left us a Church and a hierarchy that will guide us toward eternal salvation through the mysteries of your sacraments.
Please help me do all that I can to be faithful to you and to the Church all the remaining days of my life. Let me humbly submit to Church authority and to grow in the virtue of obedience to God in my daily activities. I want to serve you faithfully with obedience and love.
Thank you for giving me spiritual leaders who can help me understand Scripture and tradition. I ask you to bless them and continue to guide them toward all righteousness, protecting them from evil. AMEN.
A Prayer for an Increase in Virtue for Others
Lord Jesus Christ, you say that when two or more are gathered in your name, you are with us. Jesus, in your name I lift up every person who has joined this prayer challenge or will join it in the future. I ask you to give us all the grace we need to grow in virtue and holiness so that we may love and serve you in our lives and through the people we love and care for. Help us in our thoughts, our words, and our actions. Guide us all by your Holy Spirit and give us the strength to overcome every temptation from the evil one. We ask all this in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, AMEN.
The Tuned Lyre: Your Week 19 Send-Off
Thank you for committing to Week 19 and for your incredible dedication throughout this entire virtue meditation journey. Confronting the thick darkness of self-will—shattering the urge to act as your own god and choosing a totally surrendered heart—takes profound interior courage, and Jesus sees every single hidden act of compliance you make out of love for Him. When you inevitably feel your ego flare up, catch yourself resisting Church authority, or feel tempted to pick and choose commands based on what is comfortable this week, do not let discouragement take root. Overcoming disobedience is a slow, daily process of tuning your heart to God’s voice, not an overnight shift.
As you walk out of this chapel and step back into a loud, rebellious world that constantly screams at you to assert your own independence, despise authority, and live strictly according to your own shifting desires, guard your interior peace. True obedience isn’t a rigid, blind bondage; it is an act of ultimate spiritual freedom. You are called to actively govern your pride, respect those charged with leadership, and let your life sound like a beautifully tuned lyre at the command of God’s will. Let’s look at the Catechism to learn more about obedience:
“The duty of obedience requires all to give due honor to authority and to treat those who are charged to exercise it with respect, and, insofar as it is deserved, with gratitude and good-will.”
Pope St. Clement of Rome provides the Church’s most ancient prayer for political authorities:
“Grant to them, Lord, health, peace, concord, and stability, so that they may exercise without offense the sovereignty that you have given them. Master, heavenly King of the ages, you give glory, honor, and power over the things of earth to the sons of men. Direct, Lord, their counsel, following what is pleasing and acceptable in your sight, so that by exercising with devotion and in peace and gentleness the power that you have given to them, they may find favor with you.”
Catechism, 1900
Make a Resolution
Take a moment to reflect on the virtue of obedience to God. What are the ways you can freely practice this virtue this week? Ask the Lord to give you opportunities, and when you feel the Holy Spirit prompting you, take action. Write down your resolutions for this coming week in your prayer journal. Remind yourself to complete these resolutions daily for this entire week, and as the Spirit prompts you, feel free to write about your experiences with this virtue throughout the week.
In My Thoughts:
Jesus, this week I promise to take time daily to conform my thoughts by… (make your intention).
In My Words:
Jesus, this week I promise to take time daily to conform my words by… (make your intention).
In My Actions:
Jesus, this week I promise to take time daily to conform my actions by… (make your intention).
Pray the Litany of Virtues prayer.
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2 Responses
Pray for me for discernment, I have sinned througb habitual sexual sin hope God will help me to have strenght to resist this sexual sin…I surrender and obey gods will in my life🙏🙏 hope God will banish this evil spirit oppressing my life and my partner in Jesus name🙏🙏🙏
Dear Raffy, thank you for your post and for taking the step of faith to ask God to help you overcome sexual sin. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is very powerful and can help you overcome demonic obsessions and vexations. If you have a sin that it habitual, this is a very powerful remedy to help you gain the grace to overcome it. I will pray for you and ask God to help you avoid all near occasions of sin and to overcome the thought patterns that lead to these desires. Pray continually and seek the Lord with all your heart. He will answer you and help you to overcome this sin. ” Philippians 4:13.