On the Ways Jesus Tolerates Me in Spite of Myself. Life is full of moments of failure, actions that lead to regret, and moments of shame. This is a personal meditation from my prayer journal about the ways Jesus tolerates me in spite of myself. I offer this private journal entry in the hope that it might touch your heart today, especially if you are going through a hard time right now and feel really bad about a mistake you’ve made and the consequences of it. On the Ways Jesus Tolerates Me in Spite of Myself is a form of mental prayer, and if you’ve never prayed this way before, I encourage you to learn about this ancient form of prayer that was common among the saints. You can also learn more by reading Divine Reading Takes Prayer to a New Level.
On the Ways Jesus Tolerates Me in Spite of Myself
Prayer to the Holy Spirit
Start with Love…
Holy Spirit,
I believe you are truly here and present to me right now. I desire to be present to you. Guide my heart and mind and show me how I might pick up my cross and follow Jesus all the way to Calvary. Help me turn my heart more fully to God so that I might better understand God’s love for me.
Breathe on me as I spend these next 15 minutes in adoration of Jesus Christ in the Eucharist. Holy Spirit, help me pray with humility, honesty, love and affection. I want to grow in virtue and holiness.
Thank you, Holy Spirit, for every consolation, desolation, time of silence, difficult trial, and temptation of the evil one. I understand that you love me and that everything in my life happens by God’s holy will, whether it be divine providence or God’s permissive will due to my sin and negligence.
Please humble me as I repent, pick up my cross, and ask for the grace to grow in virtue.
AMEN.
We continue this reflection with a repentant prayer from the heart:
Trust and Believe…
Jesus,
I pour out my heart to you after my big fail. I decided to do something important without consulting you. I didn’t pray about it first. I just let my emotions get the best of me, and I failed to surrender my intellect, my will, and my heart in obedience to you.
I, I, I, I…
This is my whole problem. It should be Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus instead. Please help me; take this burden that I have created and give me the grace to bear it.
Please forgive me for my selfishness, my intellectual weakness, and my lack of communion with your Spirit. Things got out of hand because I was not in communion with you. I acted with my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5) and I did not seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit (John 16:3). This caused a mess in my life, and I am sorry for my actions. Please forgive me and help me fix my situation.
AMEN.
Say Nothing Just Take Him In
Spend 1-3 minutes in silence gazing at Jesus with love and gratitude, in a prayer of silent contemplation.
Make a Movie in Your Mind…
Now we will contemplate the First Reading. We will imagine being in Corinth with the Apostle Paul, as he is writing a letter with the help of a scribe to the Thessalonians. He addresses the letter to the Christians in Thessalonica, a prosperous city in Macedonia. These Gentile people were part of the Greek culture, but were in the Roman Empire. They were close to Paul’s heart after he spent a short time with them because they had strong faith and endured persecution for Christ’s sake. As recent converts to Christianity, they turned away from idol worship and believed in the Gospel. Slowly imagine Paul writing to them as he speaks his message and a scribe writes his words. Try to imagine yourself physically there in the scene. What do you hear? See? Feel? Sense?
On the Ways Jesus Tolerates Me in Spite of Myself
like a Gentle Mother and Encouraging Father
1 Thessalonians 2:1-12
Our exhortation was not from delusion or impure motives, nor did it work through deception. But as we were judged worthy by God to be entrusted with the gospel, that is how we speak, not as trying to please human beings, but rather God, who judges our hearts. Nor, indeed, did we ever appear with flattering speech, as you know, or with a pretext for greed—God is witness— nor did we seek praise from human beings, either from you or from others, although we were able to impose our weight as apostles of Christ.
Rather, we were gentle among you, as a nursing mother cares for her children. With such affection for you, we were determined to share with you not only the gospel of God, but our very selves as well, so dearly beloved had you become to us.
For you yourselves know, brothers, that our reception among you was not without effect. Rather, after we had suffered and been insolently treated, as you know, in Philippi, we drew courage through our God to speak to you the gospel of God with much struggle.
You recall, brothers, our toil and drudgery. Working night and day in order not to burden any of you, we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. You are witnesses, and so is God, how devoutly and justly and blamelessly we behaved toward you believers.
As you know, we treated each one of you as a father treats his children, exhorting and encouraging you and insisting that you conduct yourselves as worthy of the God who calls you into his kingdom and glory.
Reflection:
Let us take a moment to reflect on the message in the First Reading.
Lord, as I read this message from Paul and reflect on my failings, I see your mercy at work. You chastise gently, as a father treats his children. Everything is rooted in love, and you are asking me to conduct myself in a gentle way, with affection, and to treat those who are not in union with your Spirit as a nursing mother cares for her children.
You are asking me to be a blessing and not a burden. You are asking me to have pure motives and be charitable. You want to entrust to me this work of spreading the Gospel to others by my acts of charity, mercy, and gentle ways. You want me to see my ideological enemies as brothers to be loved and who are also being called into the Kingdom of God.
Now let’s personalize this passage from our First Reading…
Be Completely Real…
Take a moment to speak from your heart to the Lord about the situation that is bothering you. As you begin to confess things to the Lord, remind yourself of his gentle, loving ways. Humble yourself and give yourself grace as you wait for the Lord to respond to you.
Give the Holy Spirit time to respond.
Ask the Lord to give you grace to love the souls he is asking you to love.
In the next part we will read a passage from 2 Samuel chapter 7. Ponder this scene with King David, who has moved into his palace and is contemplating as he looks out the window to the tent outside that is housing the Ark of the Covenant, the Holy of Holies.
Let us continue our mental prayer with this passage from 2 Samuel chapter 7:
On the Ways Jesus Tolerates Me in Spite of Myself
Go and Do for the Lord is With You
2 Samuel 7:1-3
After the king had taken up residence in his house, and the LORD had given him rest from his enemies on every side,
the king said to Nathan the prophet, “Here I am living in a house of cedar, but the ark of God dwells in a tent!”
Nathan answered the king, “Whatever is in your heart, go and do, for the LORD is with you.”
Make a Resolution…
Take a moment to contemplate yourself, symbolically looking out your own window and seeing the situation you have created outside. Now imagine Jesus in the middle of this situation. Ask him to enter into it and to dwell in it, and invite the Holy Spirit to guide you into the truth of this situation and into the will of God for you as you discern how to fix it.
Now we are ready to take our image of Jesus and visualize a Gospel Reading from the book of Matthew. Put yourself in this scene much like you did in the First Reading. Imagine Jesus speaking it to you. Take a few moments to be in his presence in silence. What do you want to tell him?
Let Me Turn My Heart More Fully to God
Jesus, Take My Burden and Give me Rest
Matthew 11:28-30
[Jesus said:] “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”
Are You Listening?
What does it mean to be meek, like a war horse? How are you obedient to the will of God and open to the inspirations of the Holy Spirit?
Ponder the gentleness of the Lord, his humility of heart, and how you can imitate him in acts of mercy toward others. Take a few moments to listen to what the Lord is revealing to you about your situation.
Now let’s prayerfully meditate on a passage from St. John Henry Newman in thanksgiving for the Lord’s generosity toward us during our time with him. We will thank and praise him for his loving presence and his gentle guidance.
The Forbearance of Jesus
by Saint John Henry Newman
I ADORE Thee, O my Lord, for Thy wonderful patience and Thy compassionate tenderhearted condescension. Thy disciples, in spite of all Thy teaching and miracles, disbelieved Thee when they saw Thee die, and fled. Nor did they take courage afterwards, nor think of Thy promise of rising again on the third day. They did not believe Magdalen, nor the other women, who said they had seen Thee alive again. Yet Thou didst appear to them—Thou didst show them Thy wounds—Thou didst let them touch Thee—Thou didst eat before them, and give them Thy peace. O Jesu, is any obstinacy too great for Thy love? does any number of falls and relapses vanquish the faithfulness and endurance of Thy compassion? Thou dost forgive not only seven times, but to seventy times seven. Many waters cannot quench a love like Thine. And such Thou art all over the earth, even to the end—forgiving, sparing, forbearing, waiting, though sinners are ever provoking Thee; pitying and taking into account their ignorance, visiting all men, all Thine enemies, with the gentle pleadings of Thy grace, day after day, year after year, up to the hour of their death—for He knoweth whereof we are made; He knoweth we are but dust.
2. My God, what hast Thou done for me! Men say of Thee, O my only Good, that Thy judgments are severe, and Thy punishments excessive. All I can say is, that I have not found them so in my own case. Let others speak for themselves, and Thou wilt meet and overcome them to their own confusion in the day of reckoning. With them I have nothing to do—Thou wilt settle with them—but for me the only experience that I have is Thy dealings with myself, and here I bear witness, as I know so entirely and feel so intimately, that to me Thou hast been nothing but forbearance and mercy. O how Thou dost forget that I have ever rebelled against Thee! Again and again dost Thou help me. I fall, yet Thou dost not cast me off. In spite of all my sins, Thou dost still love me, prosper me, comfort me, surround me with blessings, sustain me, and further me. I grieve Thy good grace, yet Thou dost give more. I insult Thee, yet Thou never dost take offence, but art as kind as if I had nothing to explain, to repent of, to amend—as if I were Thy best, most faithful, most steady and loyal friend. Nay, alas! I am even led to presume upon Thy love, it is so like easiness and indulgence, though I ought to fear Thee. I confess it, O my true Saviour, every day is but a fresh memorial of Thy unwearied, unconquerable love!
3. O my God, suffer me still—bear with me in spite of my waywardness, perverseness, and ingratitude! I improve very slowly, but really I am moving on to heaven, or at least I wish to move. I am putting Thee before me, vile sinner as I am, and I am really thinking in earnest of saving my soul. Give me time to collect my thoughts, and make one good effort. I protest I will put off this languor and lukewarmness—I will shake myself from this sullenness and despondency and gloom—I will rouse myself, and be cheerful, and walk in Thy light. I will have no hope or joy but Thee. Only give me Thy grace—meet me with Thy grace, I will through Thy grace do what I can—and Thou shalt perfect it for me. Then I shall have happy days in Thy presence, and in the sight and adoration of Thy five Sacred Wounds.
Closing Prayer
I thank and praise and love you, Jesus, for your compassionate heart of mercy and the loving way you forgive me gently when I have failed you. Help me become a saint and increase in me all the virtues necessary to be gentle and merciful, and compassionate like you. AMEN.
One Response
Thank you for sharing your personal experience. I have been in similar situations as a result of my own pride and humbled not by the weight of my own ego, but rather by His infinite love and mercy
He turned our burdens into a gift for our greater good and His greatest glory.
His mercy and love endure forever.